The process of reconciliation and of making amends can be very healing. Every time you have the chance to make a difference to someone you have wronged, act on it. You will experience relief soon after. Although it may not be easy to verbalize why, many elements in your life will come into balance, and fresh blessings will show up in unexpected places.
If, however, you can not make a difference or you will upset the other person, their lifestyle and their family, the way to make amends is to stay away. Amends and reconciliation should not be used as a weapon or an excuse to seek contact when contact can not improve their lot, or yours.
If you are the one expecting another person’s amends and you would be the legitimate recipient of repair after having been wronged or suffering damages, suggest something useful to you and receive it.
Acts like these can not be invited, and you should not wait for them. Many people have waited for decades for an apology that never came. Your time is too valuable to keep hoping that someone you knew will have a change of heart, change of perspective, and the wish to make up for what they did. This type of awakening is given only to those with character. It is better to be realistic about it.
Instead of waiting for amends that are unrealistic, you can heal by cutting off contact with the offender and by distancing yourself from similar personalities, one by one.
That is your proof that you have digested the chapter.
Often enough, you gained the ability to pick up red flags and to trust yourself more. That is the diamond in the pile of manure, but a diamond it is!
Instead of rushing to repeat the pain with the next clone, pull away.
Find a joyful setting instead. Find joyful companions. Contribute to joyful settings. Become a joyful companion.
Power struggles can be addictive, even though they are an acquired “taste” following enough trauma. Almost noone is born with an attraction to conflict. Once you start healing your trauma, you begin to see how time-, energy- and creativity-consuming the addiction to power struggles is and how it can mislead you away from your development, from the harvest of your own actions and from being loved for who you are.
In this context, the motto of “Cut your losses” is always appropriate.
“Cut your losses” and amends go hand in hand. Both principles cut through the preoccupation with motivations and people that stand in the way of you getting a grip on your time and emotional hygiene, of cultivating your gifts and being available to the good that is coming your way.
23 October 2022