One On One

Painting by Mark A. Pearce. Visit him @

The attempt to make everyone happy stems from a desire for love. Ironically, people pleasers almost never get the love they seek and hardly any individual attention or one-on-one interest. The reaction from outside mirrors how they operate: not from their own values, but from the value of gaining wide approval.

It is when you are truly yourself that those who love you will show up. 

The more a person demonstrates their feelings and thoughts, the lesser the chance for wide approval, and the greater the chance for love.

Because no one really loves in a vague way something that is hidden and needs to be found after a long search. No, we love specific traits that are obvious to us.

So don’t be obscure, thinking that it gives you wider appeal or makes you “mysterious”, because all that will do is draw the baffled to you. And don’t be too concerned with pleasing everyone. All that will do is draw people to you who react to your people pleasing and not to that what is inside you. Those behaviours bring surrogates of love to you, perhaps flattery, and other superficial and univolved expressions of approval. That is, if love is your aim, or love is your deep need, you can’t join this type of scene.

Water seeks its own level. Be brave about who you are. It is easier to overcome rejections and be free for love, it is easier to be invisible to those who are not a match to you, than it is to go through life without an experience of fulfilment that comes from looking into the eyes of the person who loves you and whom you love. And he loves you for the person you are, not for an act you played. And you love him because he is obvious to you and genuine about who he is. In a union like that, there is a support and an energy that leaves all other concepts of what love can be pale in comparison.

In an ecosystem, we can observe mutually beneficial relationships among plants and animals that are harmonious and keep for a long time. That model is a very helpful example for human relationships: a blend of “like attracts like”, of attraction, and, here is a dirty word to our time, of need, and of synergy — the thrill of “that works well”, “we are better united”, “we are more together than apart.”

Observing an ecosystem and how gracefully the beings in it nurture their connectedness is something that can inspire us to bring loving that will be received into our relationships. It can also alert you with whom you have the best chemistry and the highest potential for satisfaction and deep love.

12 October 2016

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