Nothing upsets an ill-willed person more than noticing how well-treated and respected you are. Closely following that is your praise of good people in your life and of the good people you admire. Know that they are fuming, even when they don’t show it.
The opposite applies too: those who are good-willed and have your good in mind are glad to learn about your positive memories and positive experiences – because there is more to celebrate and more to be grateful for. Sympathetic joy – “mudita” – comes naturally to people who feel a sense of kinship.
I knew about the latter pattern (generosity, being happy for the good in people’s lives, and the solid satisfaction that it provides) from an early age. I discovered the former pattern (the effects of being envied and undermined, getting negative surprises, the sense of walking on eggshells, anxiety symptoms and nausea creeping up from out of nowhere) by accident, months ago. A revelation showed me something that I had never contemplated long enough before… It made me laugh for a few hours and freed me.
You will notice the empirical truth in what I say every time you express fondness for the good ones. Frenemies can not tolerate genuine goodness, love, the vibration of love. They will either cause a scene, a series of scenes, or move out of your sphere.
As they should. Life is too precious to waste on interpretations and on people who want to compete … and have no chance of competing, because their talents are in a different field, and while they question themselves, they project their own weakness of character or of discipline on any target they imagine will fall for their game – many of whom are the kindest, most supportive people they have known and will ever know.
It is a twisted attempt to wrong those who haven’t wronged them, to assert their unwholesome world views and impulses, and put them above the foresight and impressive results of those who have the answers. Watching the happy rubs the unwholesome. Big time! They wish they were troubled instead, as troubled as they themselves are.
The fairly intact can hardly comprehend the malevolent. They come from different needs, they live on different planes. And there isn’t much to learn from them. That much is certain.
A doctor doesn’t need to go through every illness to know the cure for it. So you too can witness the choices of people whose healing journey you can envision and point to, but not walk for them, and can detach from. You can walk the horse to the water, but you can not make him drink. A doctor knows the disease and the medicine for it by having studied the healing, not necessarily by suffering from the same condition. Whether the patient cooperates or not with her advice, is not in the doctor’s hands. It is in the patient’s hands.
If you are sober in this time and are not recovering from substance abuse or other heavy compulsions of the mind, if you have brought healing to many situations and to many people, you are with the healers and physicians of our era.
If, on the other hand, you are addicted, or recently said goodbye to a self-destructive habit, you can receive the input of a person who is free of your afflictions. No matter how compelling and smart your talk is, accept that she is in a place you still have to grow towards.
Healers and doctors are not on equal footing with their patients. Patients have the freedom to try a different approach, of course, get angry with their process, get nasty too. Eventually, they will get back to cleaning up what needs cleaning up – if they decide to live.
NJ,
27 August 2019
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Nanda Jurela 