Of all the skills you can awaken in your son as a parent, emotional literacy is the most important. Not only will it give him the building blocks for success on the job and in his approach to life, but also for his long relationships, especially romantic relationships.
It is common knowledge that a relationship between a man and a woman unfolds in direct proportion to the wisdom of the man. The man’s wisdom is what predicts the course of the relationship.
Men can learn seduction at any time of their life, they can learn talk, build their physique, make themselves superficially desirable, superficially confident — such options never run away; but men will not acquire emotional intelligence once the window for it has passed. (That window is 25 years, tops.) It is the parent’s task to address that.
In order to be happy in their relationship, girls (daughters) are well advised to examine their crush’s wisdom. If, where wisdom should be, there is nothing, the relationship has no foundation. Instead of evolving and sharing good moments with each other, the partners will get out of it with regrets at best (!), feeling that that time was wasted – because it was.
The male crisis of our time roots in sons never getting over their mother’s never making them a priority, her ambivalence and neglect.
A young boy looks to his mother to acknowledge him, make him feel good about himself, warm him up from within, to wake up his conscience; and to the father, to keep him safe from harm, danger, and predators, make him feel capable in the world.
Times may change, words may change, but nothing changes about that: mothers nurture, fathers guide, and intuitively every child expect that from the parents… He may look to other maternal and paternal figures to provide that and fill some deficits. But if the parents are alive, he will look to the parents first.
The mother will form the child’s value system, not by her words alone, but by her choices and actions. The more attentive she is to her son, the more love he can store, the better he will integrate all that he learns, the warmer his knowledge will be, in other words, he will grow into a wiser adolescent and then, into a wise man.
Once you comprehend that, you can raise your son in a conscious way.
A parent may not benefit from the offspring’s trajectory. But it is a much better feeling when you know that your child is finding his (or her) way, is in touch with his (or her) feelings, and is making good decisions.
8 May 2019