Have you ever noticed that the courtship between animals is a lot more stylish than ours? A display of abilities that are cool and fun – flying, dancing, singing, home building.
Thought for the week:
All males on this planet are wired to impress.
The two-legged are no different. Men want to impress, love to impress and love it when they have impressed. If you ever wonder what the defining difference between the genders is, that is IT! Ease with showing off what they got. Society can change, opinions and norms will evolve, but men will always have that trait. It is what makes them masculine.
No male of any animal species would try to seduce by complaining about his exes or all ‘the females’.
His approach is more solid: “Hey, babe, look at me and what I do. Have you ever seen this? Watch thiiiissss!”
Sure enough, the animal looks for sex, partnership, someone to propagate his genes with, to raise the young, a companion.
He doesn’t look for a mom or a shrink.
All monogamous animals repeat the courtship seasonally.
It works for millennia.
What happened to our species that we think that we have a better way than Nature?
Why do we women have a hard time accepting that men brag with what they got? If it is something they made, they will show it. If it is a sob story and going on and on about past relationships, it is what they are proud of.
Let that sink in.
We women talk about past pains in the setting of intimacy. Some men do too.
But, while in courtship, before intimacy, the male identifies with what he is offering. To him, it is his achievement. The equivalent of “Hey babe, have you ever seen this?”
Hmm. (As a matter of fact,…)
When did we women decide to mother and nurse men, rather than let them impress us, so that we can admire them?
And if we don’t admire a man, whose idea was it to bond with that guy?
The guy who starts acting like an employer who expects to be wowed is giving up his masculine energy – because he decided to and may not give a damn how he is perceived, because he wants that, or for subconscious reasons he wants that, or because he can.
Is he a good partner – to a heterosexual woman?
Is he going to be the guy in the relationship?
Do you have it in you to act out the masculine role? Can you really be yourself?
What about the guy who is trying to outdo you in feminine qualities? What is he after, and what is he implying? Guess who will win that competition, but lose the relationship?
Why do we see the signs so clearly, but can’t act on our clarity?
The natural world offers the model for heterosexual relationships. I am not touching on the wide spectrum of friendships between men and women; I only make a point about relationships that involve our animal being.
Let men be men. Don’t expect them to be any other way than they are. Don’t deprive them of their need to impress. Give men every opportunity to impress. If you are in for a long term relationship, give them permission to impress you over and over again.
While compassion wins a woman’s love – the way to a man’s heart is through his pride.
You can turn this in your mind as long as you like. But here it is, in a nutshell:
A man will only be happy when he is admired and will chose a relationship with a woman who admires him.
A woman will only be happy in a relationship where she can admire her man.
Men choose well, always. Learn from it.
We can choose what is right for us too.
Ask yourself: Do I like what he is manifesting with his time, words, behaviour?
If you do, he is promising. If you don’t, don’t turn a brother into a lover.
25 April 2015