Radical self-acceptance:
Once you are at peace with your own limitations, you can accept the limitations of others.
For example: conflict addicts will not hear the subtlety, the sophistication, or the accuracy in your points. They are wired in a completely different way. Let them believe whatever they want to believe.
Realizing your own needs in the situation – the need to be heard, the need for community, the need for intelligent conversation, the need for honesty, … – is something you can take away from the situation.
Those needs have little to do with what that other person needs. The mismatch is obvious in retrospect, though rarely in the moment.
A person who is aware that she or he “doesn’t have all the answers” can move toward fulfilling those needs without engaging the limitations in the other person or in the self.
That would mean noticing “I’d love to have a sincere talk, a sincere friend”, and acting in respect of the insight.
It can also mean: you can choose to not argue with a conflict addict gone professional. You can choose it often. As often as several times in 5 min.
You can tell when someone is receptive to the content you are offering or to you.
Following your true need is a powerful act of self-love. Self-love also lets you say no to a pattern that another person has set up. You do not “have to fall” into it.
It is not about the other person, to begin with. It is about you and how you navigate.
2 March 2017
Nanda Jurela 