Mudita

Detail from a Ghetty photo

Mudita is a Buddhist term for sympathetic joy and a practice that lets people feel connected with each other.

Relationship research of the last half decade confirms that it is the major component to making bonds last, while ambivalence to the other person’s success, advancing and good fortune disintegrates a relationship. In short, people who are happy for one another are more likely to have a “good air” between each other – which adds to fondness, safety and love…

I can say now – in retrospect – that the discovery makes a lot of sense.

We haven’t been taught that at school, though. And most therapists focus on things that let them keep their job – and that may not be what will renew the attraction or be of use to clients -, or that let them keep their mindset, which may be inclined toward other things than love. (Why these people have become so influential in society is a good question; why they are deemed “experts” an even better question!)

The discovery of the core energy in relationships – m u d i t a – reinforces the notion that #likeattractslike. Because you are genuinely happy for those whose “pluses” are something you can endorse too.

Then there is unconditional love – that gives you patience with people who are growing.

And then, there is tolerance and goodwill.

Everything below tolerance and goodwill is not enough energy to support a relationship.

Whether the relationship is just beginning or has a substantial history behind it, notice “how good the air is.” Know that you can improve the air. And know when you can’t: the cheer is just not there. That relationship may have (had) a function; though it is not one with the soft yin qualities of belonging, tenderness and endearment.

This news liberates us who give high priority to balance and love in our relationships.

Appreciating the highlights in our loved ones’ lives is easy to do. It is uplifting too. It puts groups and couples in tune with each other emotionally and spiritually. Staying in tune emotionally and spiritually is stronger than any band-aid, which includes pleasures like sex and money.

When we feel content, pleased with an event, or proud of an achievement, or just lucky, happy, we love to share in the “high” energy, and we connect the good feelings with those who are there with us to celebrate that. Bliss forges the sense of closeness and unity.

We knew that as children. We are still wired the same way after we grow up.

So, in the relationships that you want to keep, be there when they are in joy (and not only in sorrow and stress). And when you have good things to share, let them know and let them be happy for you.

On a more sober note, allow the people who are not too gracious in your best moments, who cannot be happy for you at all, and who dish out snide comments to undermine the flow of good things to leave your inner circle… Let them find their own soul families.

NJ

27 December 2015

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